AS I look at the calendar, it seems surreal to me that it has already been four months since I last posted. In my previous post I had written about my experiences at the Morrigan's Call Retreat which I had attended in June. So much has happened since the event. Time just flew out of my grasp. Summer is over, Autumn is fading, Samhain has past and we look to the Yule season fast approaching. Something that has been on my mind ever since the Retreat were my experiences in the Temple that weekend. I have had conversations with friends over the past few months centering on these types of experiences. Topics of vision, journeying and receiving messages from the Gods in general. But what I will speak of here, now are my own encounters. More specifically the messages I have received in the days since.
I have previously written about the Retreat itself and briefly mentioned the experience I had in the Temple that weekend. I felt compelled to expand upon this experience of late. Having a designated space to serve as a Temple and Oracular space at the Retreat was a new occurrence this past June. In past year's we had designated a pop up tent for a makeshift Temple area, as you can imagine occasionally weather interfered with these tents. So we decided to try using one of the cabins as a more solid structure for Temple, also affording us the opportunity to have a more private space for Oracular work in the evenings. It was a good addition in my opinion, judging by the outcomes and comments of participants afterward. We will definitely be keeping this aspect for future retreats. Temple was set with altars for the various aspects of the Goddess as well as altars for the other Gods/Goddesses of the Tuatha De Danann. There were several Priestesses assigned to the Temple specifically for the purposes of keeping it clean, making sure offerings were provided and cleaned up properly, as well as advising participants who wished to spend time in the Temple praying and making devotional offerings. There were also a few specific Priestesses trained in Oracular work who served as vessels for messages from the Goddess. A small group of members who served as Guardians and energetic grounders. These individuals were also there to assist the Oracles and protect the Temple itself. It was in my own capacity as Grounder and Guardian that I had my particular experience that weekend. One evening, as I was performing my duties as Guardian, which included warding and energetically shoring up the protections placed around our Temple to keep unwanted energies out I had a very vivid encounter. During this time, as my attentions were busy creating shields , checking for weak spots, testing the area for unwanted energies and keeping an eye on the Oracle for signs she was needing assistance or a break, this is when the Goddess came through in full embodiment. I say this because this is exactly what happened. As I stood there between the doorway to the front of the temple and the Oracle and her petitioner at the back of the room, all this energy swirling about, in that moment, the room lit up and standing in the place where my sister Priestess who was the vessel was standing, was the Goddess. She appeared in both her aspects of Badb and Macha together, standing side by side, existing in the exact space the Oracle had been a moment before, like the Priestess had been teleported out and they teleported in simultaneously. There they stood, speaking with the petitioner, Badb, tall and regal looking. She stood there with her long Raven black hair, falling straight down her back almost to the floor. It looked as if it were both hair and cloak at the same time. She wore a deep bluish purple gown and appeared to be in her early 40's as far as age, with fair skin and deep dark eyes. Standing shoulder to shoulder with her was Macha. Tall, fair with fiery red hair cascading in wild unruly curls from her shoulders to her waist. Her eyes as green as the gown she wore and most definitely, very, very pregnant. I don't really know how long this visage lasted. Oracle time was limited to about an hour per Priestess to prevent extreme fatigue. Being immersed in that space and energy I have no concept of when they appeared or how long they stayed, though it seemed quite awhile in the moment. I do remember that I felt and observed it happening around me. I noted it in my mind, but at the same time it didn't phase me as odd. In the moment I was just thinking "Oh, well that is interesting" I was so engrossed in the focus of Guardian and all that entails energetically that I had slipped into that perfect meditative state which is what allowed me to have this experience. It only further confirmed for me, that what these women really do is channel the energies of these deities for us. I have much respect for the Priestesses who serve as vessels. That night alone would have made the weekend spectacular, it would take me weeks afterward to fully appreciate and process it all.
A few weeks after the Retreat, I was doing my regular morning devotions, giving my thanks and gratitude for specific things when I was suddenly overcome by an overwhelming feeling of grief. I literally began crying for no reason known to me. The thoughts in my head were of sadness. The Goddess was keening for her children. The message I received was that she was grieving for the pain her children/ravens were experiencing. I equated it to her grief for the people who had come for messages at Retreat, many of whom had expressed having crisis or troubling times in their lives. Not long after, within a week or so I believe, I received the devastating news that my friend and Tribe sister, Jaime Johnson had been murdered by her ex boyfriend, who had then killed himself as well. Looking back now, the grief I felt may have been twofold. Our community is still in shock and disbelief at the loss of our beautiful sister. I still cannot comprehend it myself. The world is dimmer at the loss of this bright and shining soul.
After Retreat, after losing Jaime, after Jaime's memorial and having spent more time at camp later in the summer I sat at my altar and asked for some guidance. I had been thinking about my service and everything that had happened. Part of my acts of service performed at Retreat this past June was that of care taking the land we were a part of for that weekend. The camp grounds we were staying at are truly a special place. we cleaned the trails and picked up garbage as we went about our days. Special effort was made to make offerings to the land spirits, to let them know we were there to honor the land and those who dwell on it. We left that camp much happier and cleaner than we found it. As I was partaking in all of this I found myself pondering the aspect of Anu as Morrigan. She was the one aspect of the Goddess, out of the three aspects that until now, I had never really felt a strong connection. I left Retreat feeling I needed to learn more and explore my relationship to the Goddess in this form. I have been called to Badb as one of her Priestesses. She very loudly and visibly claimed me as hers immediately upon my dedication to the Morrigan. Macha has slowly made herself known to me in small ways and we are coming to get to know each other. Macha wants warriors, and even though I had not seen myself as a warrior per se, she has made it known that I am one of her warriors. I am charged to answer her call and I willingly do so. Anu was more ambiguous to me. I hadn't seen or heard her in this form personally. It was late summer, a time of the first harvest and giving thanks for what we have reaped in the growing season. Part of my offering I felt should be harvest based so I had whipped up a batch of wheat pancakes that morning and taken the first and last ones I made as offering to the Goddess. I paired these with some locally grown organic honey and mead. I began my devotions as I always do with making my offerings to the Morrigan. I recited my prayers. "Badb I am your priestess, Macha I am your warrior" and as I lit the candle for Anu and made my offering, without even thinking about it "Anu I am your Guardian" . That was it. It came just like that, a little voice in my head saying "Guardian". Something I had been doing all along, why I didn't realize it I don't know. That is my task, charged to me from Anu. I took this to mean that I should connect more with the land I now currently call home in Connecticut, the woods that lie behind my home, the camp I love so much, the people I love so much, friends and family and the members of my Tuatha, my Tribe. I will act as Guardian to all in whatever capacity I am able. Guardian to Oracles, Warrior willing to fight for what is necessary in my community and life, and Priestess, a Guide to serve those seeking to begin devotion to this Goddess.
As I finished my offerings and devotions that morning I felt lighter and peaceful. I went about the rest of my morning, straightening out the house and such. As I stood at the sink doing the morning's dishes my partner came out of the bedroom looking perplexed and suspiciously enquired of me; "Baby, why are there pancakes on the Altar?" I looked at him and laughed. "Because the Morrigan likes pancakes damn it!"
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